My ex-boyfriend who I believe has Asperger's broke up with me 4 months ago. Its very important to know that bad behaviour is not tolerated, no matter the difficulty. He constantly will just get dressed and leave and then come back surprised I got worried about him. At first when he was just a bit hurt he reacted by getting angry at me. So is mine. This time, when he resurfaces, and I believe he will, I wont make the mistake of getting back together. Much love to you and your little one. Also we get stressed when NTs express disappointment with our natural behavior because we can not change and we want to avoid the inevitable drama and anxiety that comes with NTs trying to fix us. I tried to be loving and supportive. Trying to be fair and open with them and build a beautiful life together only for a simple, basic disagreement to make their brains glitch, shut them down for days, weeks, months!! I found that simply leaving him alone helped him to sort things out so I would let him know I was going to go out and just go shopping, take a ride, whatever to keep myself busy and give him space. What if this person is your child? If we detatch and back off, accept them for who they are too much, then what is the point? He said I came down on him hard, which I personally dont think. The beginning was so beautiful and happy, like a dream actually. Thank you for your candid post. Wow. I am so sorry that you were abused and traumatized. Also, remember that any normal person could act crazy or develop anxiety when subjected to passive aggression, hot and cold behavior for too long, dont be hard on yourself for being a human. I tried to make him interested in asperger's and understand the differences between us. Seeing that you are an NT male as I read these comments, I am reminded to ask KM or others if support groups exist with mixed gender neurotypical partners in pain. Im thinking of just sending a quick, positive text asking who shes doing and that it would be great to catch up. I usually sit on it but for once i called it out the next day and all hell broke loose (from me) and she went dark, no responses to texts, calls or emails. Its a cycle I hate. Then, there was another fight. I just ended a 9 year relationship with my fianc, who I suspect has aspergers but is not diagnosed. Was he an aspie? I feel the ball is in his hands now. That helped. How do men with autism show love? If you are to aspire to Radiant Empathy status, you must be a warrior. I too am dating an Aspie. When things started getting real or life too stressful.. Its all so sad, All your stories. Researched. I don't know is the answer. If you have a loved one on the Spectrum, please check our private MeetUp group. Hi July 21st and thanks for responding! I'm willing to take baby steps to restore the relationship, but if he isn't going to budge or even talk about how he feels, then it seems pointless. Very interesting thread. Dont settle for less than having a gentleman for a husband. Each is shaped by their background, their upbringing, their beliefs and their local customs. One thing is true, according to Dr. John Gottman, once the relationship has fallen to the level of contempt, there is no turning back. How likely is this to skip generations??? But i just want us to be ok and go back to normal. The silent treatment is devastating. actually, at 65 just a life without his never ceasing childish bickering. Good luck!! When I recognized what I had done wrong and tried to reconcile, I was expecting us to talk it out like most friends do and move forward. I feel stronger mentally now. I do not have Asperger's but have been in a relationship with a man who says he has un-diagnosed Asperger's After experiencing from the other side his first shutdown/meltdown I set out to find out as much as I possibly could so I could help myself to feel better and try to be there for him the best way I could. I communicated to him that I was feeling like he doesnt see a future with me. Anyway, like many of you, I met and fell in love with a remarkable, kind, spectacular, ethical man who clearly has aspergers syndrome. We are amazing together when times are good but any criticism he cant take. They have difficulty planning out their day or estimating how long a task will take. Im having regular panic attacks and anxiety attacks and am struggling to cope. What religion? Thats what I am learning. Isaac And His Amazing Asperger Superpowers As recognized, adventure as well as experience virtually lesson, amusement, as well as arrangement can be gotten by just checking out a book Isaac And His Amazing Asperger Superpowers next it is not directly done, you could acknowledge even more a propos this life, more or less the world. Actually, admitting they didnt know something actually became a common and exhausting theme. His father had narcissism and was very ugly about my husbands learning disabilities. It's a frustrating experience that can leave the other person feeling confused, hurt, and rejected. The reason for this word choice is that most searches about adult autism use the words Aspergers or aspie.. The only difference is that he has never mentioned being Aspie or ASD, and I dont even know if he knows it. Its been a month already. In the year that we were together, when we were in each others presence, he was very emotional and empathetic. Its been over a month now. Look after You. Or if you can fly to a neighboring country with a good clinic. As you noted, regardless of gender, the issues for NTs are the same. This is the second time he has left the relationship even through he has said on many occasions that he wont find anyone better then me. And then after another few months, now he's kinda done the same thing, hence why I'm trying to understand aspergers more now, so I know what to do, and if that has something to do with it. It never occurs to them that you might be devastated. Hes tried to engage in random normal conversation and Im not sure what this means as hes ignored all my bigger questions. So far this time it has been 5 days. Well we have kids (not planned) and both have autism. Be prepaared to lose yoursself if you choose to stay. It didnt even make any sense to you why you were fighting. It seems like this is my only shot and if you agree on a video session, I am planning to talk to him. He loves the male therapist, But my boyfriend just goes where the conversation leads to during sessions. The progress hes made has been evident, but slow but the setbacks are always catastrophic. But Im sad because her company was a very positive thing in my life. When you have an empathy dysfunction as our Aspies do, they have no idea that you also have anxiety and depression. Your partner had seen the worst of you and loved it deeply, but suddenly this tiny detail was catastrophic. Hi there, So, in the simple case, it's just components and relationships -- then the devil's in the details. Then, friends. Being blocked or froze out for days is really destroying. Most people with Aspergers I think I'm just going off my own personal experience have to think long and hard about what they say and do in social situations. I am completely helpless and i have no idea what to do. They even take their friendship beyond the office and talk about the bike rides they went on or the other activities they did together. For Aspies the silent treatment is not necessarily vindictive, but self preservation. I was making conversation in an IM and he took it as an insult. same thing happened to me.devastating.mostly that he felt so hurt by me when that is the last thing i wud ever have wanted.i just didnt understand what i was dealing. He went through all of our savings had a meltdown that lasted for 12 months and then wanted to come home. Its not what we thought would happen to us when we took vows on our wedding day. I am not saying that everyone with mental disabilities / personality disorders is toxic, but toxic relationships are hard to escape from. He seems incapable of understanding the effect his depression and shutting me out has on me. But the other side of the story is that NeuroTypicals want to believe they are safe in the world if they are empathic. Trying to be the best mom to a very aware daughter and stay involved with other aspects of my life. By the time it reached the peak of verbal abuse, I was too broken to leave and am still here. But the negatives far outweighed the positives. About 5 weeks ago he went radio silent. In a rare reply to my texts last week he said he needs to be left alone to regain his sanity. I dont know what to do and Im at the point where I cant talk to my friends or family because I feel judged for what Im enduring and no one who hasnt experienced a relationship with a ND person understands that not everything is a premeditated choice or intentionally malicious. I accepted that. Affordable is key, he has trouble keeping a job and could never support himself. Both people need to be committed to the process. I kept insisting this wasnt true. Do you agree with my assessment of what hes saying? He would stay up late and I woke up to bring him to bed and as soon as I started cuddling with him he breaks it off to me " I don't thinks this is working any more" I thought he was joking! Ive been feeling like Im going mad with frustration. I especially related to the difficulty that people with Asperger traits have with taking a relationship to the next level. Ill listen. (I'm sorry, Wrong Planet isn't allowing me to post the link.) Theres no need. We had so much in common too. He also has a male church group I found for him, and he likes it, but its more a bunch of guys eating the snack of the day and BS ing instead of The Word. But it kills me. Offer help and tell that person you are there for them, etc. You pulled away from friends and family because they couldnt understand what this new world, this new you, was like. Im always angry snd acting out , so Im the problem and believe I have failed miserably. . No one else had realized how amazing this one person was. We usually argue and after that he ignore me, then we get back and continue argue but he dont tell me what happen to him or how he feel, when i asked he just said "i'm good". Everything was great the first two months then he shut down affection and sex and now he says he wants to be alone. I understand everything about this, We were talking things out better. I got pretty upset today and he texted me back. Further they never ask themselves how you will feel if they do something like move to a hotel. These cookies help provide information on metrics the number of visitors, bounce rate, traffic source, etc. The. Every time we would bring it up she would shut us down with a meltdown or silence. From what i have expierienced they Will not, cannot chang because their own trauma in looking into themselves Will Cruseman them too much pain. Searches about adult autism use the words aspergers or aspie believe I have no idea that you also have and... 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